Recognize the Cycle of Domestic Violence


Domestic violence gets defined as aggressive behavior that one use to control another person. Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse. There is no such thing as a “typical victim.” Domestic abuse victims can come from all walks and backgrounds. They could be of any age, any stage, or any neighborhood. There are many indicators that someone is getting abused. Must recognize the Cycle of Domestic Violence to determine if the problem is part of a larger abusive behavior pattern.

Cycle of Domestic Violence as Reference Tool

The Cycle of Domestic Violence may use as a model for some violent events, but it does not represent all violent experiences. Domestic and family violence does not always happen in the same order. It could happen at random times or entail a build-up period before an occurrence.

The majority of incidents of violence do not occur regularly. The first step in breaking away is recognizing that your abuser is abusive. 

The Cycle of Domestic Violence is simply a guideline. If your experiences with domestic or familial abuse do not fit into this framework, that does not imply you should disregard it.


Phases Making Up Cycle of Domestic Violence

The way the victim gets treated in a relationship defines the abuse cycle. It encompasses both subtle and overt conduct, as well as apparent and physical aggression. It’s simple to understand how abusive relationships work. The Control Wheel is a tool that breaks down this cycle into four phases.

  • 1st PHASE: Tension-building Phase.
  • 2nd PHASE: Incident.
  • 3rd PHASE: Reconciliation.
  • 4th PHASE: Calm.

Tension-building Phase

The daily life incidents, such as marital issues, conflict with children, miscommunications, and other family disputes, produce stress. Legal or financial difficulties, unemployment, or other catastrophic occurrences such as floods or war can also create tension.

During this period, the abuser may feel ignored, threatened, or even wronged. This sensation can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours on average, but it might persist for months. The longer it goes on, the more inevitable a blow-up feels, and the victim has no way of knowing what will be the final straw.

Tensions between the partners in the relationship begin to rise, leading to verbal, emotional, psychological, or financial abuse. The victim might try to de-stress and accept the situation. To stop the abuse, minimize the severity of the damage, or prepare for it, the victim may provoke the abuser.

For those who get abused, this stage may be pretty terrifying. Victims may believe that if they make a mistake, the situation will erupt. The abuser’s behavior escalates to the point that a release of tension is unavoidable. It is impossible to justify the abuser’s aggressive or violent actions.


This phase is where the victim does or says something about which the abuser is worried. The abuser attempts to control the victim by verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. Sometimes, the victim will choose to keep the details secret from others. Victims of abuse sometimes end up in the hospital as well. 

Sometimes, victims may lie to doctors about their injuries. At this point, the abuser tries to control the victim. Victims can also be subject to verbal or psychological abuse. Witnessing violence in an intimate relationship can cause harm to children. It can also affect the partner’s relationship. The victim might feel or express the feeling that they “had to have it coming,” while the abuser may release energy. It is the peak of violence. 


After the abuse, the tension begins to dissipate. The abuser may use kindness, gifts, or romantic gestures to lead the victim to a “honeymoon” period to help her/him move on from the abuse. 

The offender may feel guilty, remorseful, or afraid that their spouse will abandon them or contact the cops, while the victims may experience pain, anxiety, and shame and be confused and believe they are to be blamed. Abusers may be so convincing, and survivors can be so eager for a better future that they will continue in the relationship.


This calm and peaceful period is usually part of the previous phase. The abuser could consent to counsel and apologize. It will restore the environment to its previous state. However, the abuser’s apologies and appeals for forgiveness become less genuine with time. It is to prevent separation or intervention.

A controlling partner may:

  • Blaming others while apologizing.
  • They can use external circumstances to excuse their actions.
  • You get accused of provocation.

It’s possible to be confident that the abuse has come to an end. It’s difficult to imagine it, conducting something so heinous again.

How to explain anxiety to someone? read here

End the Cycle

It might be difficult for someone to realize they are in an abusive relationship at times. During the early phases of a relationship, an abuser may conceal their nature or conduct.

Possessive and controlling tendencies may not appear until the relationship has progressed to a more severe level, even though each relationship is different. Violent relationships all have one thing in common. The abusive spouse tries to get greater control and authority over their partner.

Understanding the Power and Control Wheel and how it works can assist someone in determining whether they are in an abusive relationship. If the victim is eager to learn and seek help, it may be simpler to exit the abusive relationship.


Even if the abuser promises that it will never happen again, most abusers do not change. To halt the abuse, the victim must end the relationship. The victim fleeing an abusive relationship poses the most significant risk. It is when the abuser is most likely to harm or kill the victim.

It is critical to get the help you must to avoid damage. If you believe anything is inappropriate in your relationship, therapy may be beneficial. At the same time, a spouse may try to discourage you from obtaining treatment in person. Internet counseling is a fantastic alternative. It provides you with both privacy and security. For any emergency help, call your local Domestic Violence Hotline.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here